So today, I was repainting my nails sparkly red and, as I waited for them to dry, my thoughts wandered and things occurred to me.
I was thinking about the word "friends" and being in a relationship and being able to call people "our friends". More specifically, I guess, I am getting to the point where I can call people "Jory and my friend". Not "my friend, who he knows" or "his friend" but our friend.
And it kinda weirds me out. I realized I REALLY tend to keep that separate. Oddly enough I have never had "our friends" with a boyfriend before. It has always been my friend and their friend. I am sure this is because I am a bit socially inept and my past boys have been too. :P
So anyways, blah blah blah, I realized today that the concept of our friend is somewhat foreign and scary to me. The world of joint friends is scary. It means a commitment to me. Lives are getting all inter-wound and woven. It is scary because it opens up further possible realms of getting hurt. Like, if we broke up, I wouldn't just lose one person, I would be losing lots of people.
I think for this reason, I occasionally come off as standoffish (a favorite word of mine btw) or not as social and bubbly and as friendly as I would like.
Anyways, maybe it is not a good thing for me to have this free time when the kids are napping to come on here and ramble, blah blah blah blah.... Point of the post is, I am totes getting past this problem, slowly and with much nerves, aka The Anna way.
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2 comments:
Can't say I have this problem, after 5 and half years (it's been that long, I realized yesterday, omg!), that Dan and I still have separate friends, except for maybe Heather...I think with you it's partly because you meet most people in TO through Jory, and if you become friends with them it's through him, you know? If you were home and had your friends here they might still be separate. And also, if you had a different job you might get some of your "own" friends...anyway, it's not that bad my dear, it's moving forward! :)
Yeah, I agree with you, on the reasons why I don't have my "own" friends :P . But also in general terms, couples having joint friends was just a foreign concept to me, that I wanted to explore. I actually started thinking about it because, at work, a friend of my bosses' called. Maybe Jory and I need to meet someone new, but at the exact same time and make that person "our" friend on equal footing, not with one of us knowing the other person first. Then I can REALLY explore the concept of knowing someone "together".... (I am weird)
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